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Box joke

I think this box is making a joke:

Maybe it's auditioning for The Onion?

Pirates vs Ninjas

 

In 2013 I thought it would be cute to make a "pirates vs ninjas" joke since "pirates vs. ninjas" was a popular meme at the time.  

The idea of this joke (not an actual recommendation to behave a certain way!) was that you could stop software piracy by going dark and not bragging about it, which unbelievably, a lot of people still do.

Okay, it's not the best joke.

But!  I was at a party where a person responsible for Microsoft licensing and reducing piracy saw my shirt - she interpreted it as, "Stop software piracy by being a super cool ninja that tracks down piracy and stops it."  Which I think is a legit interpretation.  

There is no I in Teams

I've been working on a joke based on the saying "There is no I in TEAM."

The joke was "There is no I in Teams, because I got disconnected."

But I think a better version is "There is no I in Teams, because I'm muted!"

Change is Scary and Should Not Happen

Mr. Christopher Walken makes me laugh

Fatboy Slim |MTV Music

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Church Sign Generator

Church Sign Generator

Amazing technology!

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Retirement

I saw this ad at the New York Times online:



And I couldn't help think the punch line should be:

"RUN FOR PRESIDENT!"
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Wisdom

A number of nuggets of wisdom have come my way recently:

From my colleague Kevin:  "He who procrasinates only has to implement the last design."  He learned that as a student at Digipen.

From my daughter, when told that an optimist sees the glass as half full, and a pessimist sees the glass as half empty:  "It depends - if I'm filling it up it is half full, and if I'm emptying it, then it is half empty."

From my son:  "How come light doesn't accelerate?  Everything else does."

From me, after hearing about someone who was complaining a lot: "When your head is up your ass, everything looks like shit."

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Has the large hadron collider destroyed the world yet

http://www.hasthelargehadroncolliderdestroyedtheworldyet.com has been making the rounds.

What's really funny is to open up the page source and read the comment at the bottom.

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The Onion: 6-Year-Old Stares Down Bottomless Abyss Of Formal Schooling

6-Year-Old Stares Down Bottomless Abyss Of Formal Schooling | The Onion - America's Finest News Source:

"Basic math—which the child has blissfully yet to learn—clearly demonstrates that the number of years before he will be released from the horrifying prison of formal schooling, is more than twice the length of time he has yet existed. According to a conservative estimate of six hours of school five days a week for nine months of the year, Bolduc faces an estimated 14,400 hours trapped in an endless succession of nearly identical, suffocating classrooms."

This Onion article captures one of the main reasons for homeschooling.

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Ladies Olympic Showering

Sorry, but this joke I made on Twitter is too good just for Twitter:

... loved the Olympic Ladies Showering event that was interleaved with the Synchronized Diving event.

I noticed the next day that they spent a lot less time watching the men shower.
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iPhone Gem

Slate Magazine - iPhone Gem - last paragraph on page: "The LAT reports that Apple has removed an application called I Am Rich that iPhone users could have bought for a mere $999.99. So what did 1,000 bucks buy? 'Once activated, the user is treated to a large, glowing gem,' says the LAT. 'That's about it.' A total of six people purchased it. 'I am sure a lot more people would like to buy it—but currently can't do so,' the product's developer said. 'The App is a work of Art and included a 'secret mantra'–that's all.'"

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The Best Jack Thompson Clip

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Katie Couric GraphJam finally posted

I guess they are processing these things by hand.

Anyway, click and vote, and I might get moved to the main page!


see more funny graphs

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A summary of The Lame List

The Lame List is a list of networking errors that (apparently) a number of early Windows applications would make.

I have summarized the list below, with some details omitted:

Lame.
Inexcusably lame.
Dog lame.
Mired in a sweaty mass of lameness.
Nauseatingly lame.
Lame. Lame. Lame. Lame. Lame.
Violently lame.
Uncontrollably lame.
Totally lame.
Intensely lame.
In all my years of observing lameness, I have seldom seen something this lame.
Thrashing in a sea of lameness.
Universally lame.
Pushing the lameness envelope.
Glaringly lame.
Profoundly lame.
Floundering in an endless desert of lameness.
Suffocating in self lameness.
Perilously teetering on the edge of a vast chasm of lameness.
Mind bogglingly lame.
Inconceivably lame.
Festering in a pool of lameness.
Self abusively lame.
Words fail to express such all-consuming lameness.
Grossly lame.
Exceeds the bounds of earthly lameness.
Criminally lame.
Sinking in a morass of lameness.
Stooping to unspeakable depths of lameness.
Seeping lameness from every crack and crevice.

People who watch Katie Couric read the news

I like Katie Couric but things aren't going so well for her right now.

I made a GraphJam chart of her situation. I mailed it in. I received an acknowledgment. And then nothing.

Click the small picture below to see the proper graph:





© 2008 Stephen Clarke-Willson, Ph.D. - All Rights Reserved.

Jack Bauer and Fifty Guys

I had a chance to meet Jonathan Frakes once. You'll remember him as "Number One" on Star Trek: The Next Generation. He's a film director now. He's directed a couple of Star Trek movies and some kids movies.

I was telling him about "red shirts" which is a term I've used since 1993 for the general fodder bad guys in games (the term has caught on somewhat). The term comes from a Star Trek joke, which I told Frakes. The joke is:

Spock, McCoy, Kirk and a guy in a red shirt beam down to a planet. Which one isn't beaming back up?

Yeah, that's the whole joke.

Well, tonight, while watching 24, I thought of a variation on that:

Jack Bauer, in a T-shirt, and carrying a pistol, along with fifty guys with heavy battle armor and automatic weapons, storm an enemy stronghold.

Which fifty guys aren't gonna make it?

© 2005 Stephen Clarke-Willson - All Rights Reserved.